just a work in progress

I am unofficially done with the hardest semester of my undergrad career. In 5 days I will be on a plane for my first overseas experience. When I get back, I move. Is it weird that none of this is hitting me yet? I guess it has only been a few hours and I still do have a couple little things to do for a couple classes.

But still,

I still feel the weight of classes.

It does not seem real that I will not be in America next week.

I’m in the best relationship of my life and feel held back to actually enjoy it.

My living situation now still depresses me, though I have only a few short nights left.

Maybe stress causes apathy.

What is the consistency of depression? Fear, anger, loss of hope, pessimism?

Is depression a feeling/emotion or a state of being?

Is joy a feeling/emotion or a state of being?

Is it luck that you can feel either, or do you have the power to change to either one or the other?

So pick then!

Which is it?

How is it that love can cause both joy and depression, or maybe can be present in both?

Does it have the power to change depression into joy?

Because the lack of it seems to have the power to go from joy to depression.

George Berkeley: “To be is to be perceived”

What then is it, to perceive is  it to feel? to know? to learn? maybe just to experience…..I am not sure.

Hope seems to be the glue to keep a person together, or the gas to get people moving towards something.

Lack of hope is paralyzing, it is the poison that causes people to end themselves.

What then, do we hope for?

Something better in the future?

When all of our futures end at the same place. Death.

This linear view gives no hope.

Being apart of the bigger picture and cycle of seasons means more than: Birth, Sin, Salvation, Death, Heaven.

Reincarnation. Being re-birthed into new, better ideas/reason for being.

Is this not what Christ and Paul talked about?

Giving up your life to live, being born again and not of a women, dying to “old” self?

Why not: Birth, Experience, Mistake, Knowledge, Birth, Experience, Mistake, Knowledge etc.

I wish it was not over until we all arrived at truth.

Maybe we get another chance, in another place.

Be still and know that I am God, you say.

I’m still and know I’m dying to live.